Resetting hard

(Eng) Resetting hard

There was a terrible taste for last weeks. I originated that feeling to the days I had heavy burn out since i was working till 5AM for the project. I was super nervous but happy with the progress at the same time. But it is not something we can continue for a long time. As Elon Musk says, the heavy work I did was not healthy and it was going to destroy me. Damaging my body and life.

People may think it is exagguration, but having lack of sleep and dense work for a long time hits heart before all. Yes it did. Being on the edge of heart failure is super risky. Not a thing I can handle. Even now not easy to handle the feeling, the fear, remembering the pain, the call of my body to stop. My body is a great teacher and did what it has to do for me. I was always proud of my body in my life. It is the only thing I can trust. I can go fight with till end. It will never leave me.

Understanding the issue and recovering took some time, more than several weeks. Before reaching healing I was lost. Not knowing how to break the trap I created, not able to have view from outside, eating myself from inside. Not knowing where I am heading, how fast should I run in this life. Sounds like hit the wall, maybe it is. Maybe it is consuming all sources.

Even though body warned me, resetting was not available. I didn't know how to reset completely. Only way I remember was running. And it is still core of resetting. But the thing I needed was reaching friends. I didn't know that, understanding it took a while. Then I remembered the trust, the beauty, the power, the joy we have together. And how we live this life. The boost I got from there was amazing, immediately changed my day, power, mood, approach.

They reminded me that, they are more important than anything. I have to take care of their friend. Their future. And I will. I promise, I will play the best game ever possible. Like each time I try to play the best tennis game ever.