Internal hells

(Eng) Internal hells

I watched the movie called Odysseus and wanted to write things down but delayed and forgot again. Now remaining pieces are probably unrelated, and i lost most important things most valuable things on the way. Like i did for all life, all the experience. I didn't save joy, fun; didn't record crazy ideas, plans, solutions. Moving with empty hands. Trying to understand the direction, the things with me. I don't know when and how it will clear. Some says you need passion, some says you need flow, some says you need calling, goal, partner, etc. Nobody knows the answers in this exam. There is noone coing back to tell us real story.

This movie was another one shaking me and showing another real life, grabbing me and showing what i need, how i failed, what left behind and now what is the result. Movie has changed me, i decided calling more the poeple i left behind. There will be no success, the burden of lost pieces will just grow. After sometime you will be alone, with your pains, regretting for the journey. Remembering all beauty gone on the way, all destroyed by you. All pain you give, all innocent people lost on the way. You carry you own hell with yourself. Maybe we all have a version of own hells inside, maybe there is no rest for any of us.

Probably all we hide is going to hit surface one day. It can be in a movie, a song, a person we just met. Someone each one will hit from different side. One will hit for loneliness, one will hit for loved ones, one will hit for trust. Everything you subpress, you hide, you try to kill, will find you one day in yoor weakest time. Punishment will come from you, yourself, forever. There is no escape from hell. I sorry for all I betrayed. I am truely sorry.